I honestly feel scared about my new found path. Interestingly enough, I'm not so scared to admit that. It's taken a lot for me to journey to this point and although everything always feels like it should be bigger than it may be in the grand scheme of things, it's about taking one step at a time; putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
Fear can be suffocating, so I try to look at it like a compass. It doesn't rule my life. It indicates to me what needs doing, because often that's what scares the crap out of me. Then I move toward it with love, passion, and umm... Still a little bit of fear, cuz #human. But I get'er done for the most part :)
I've been putting a lot of effort into the relaunch of my website, Next Gen TV, and the Love Rosie blog. My website used to serve the function of showcasing my acting portfolio, but as I go along my path everything starts to expand and evolve. And to my pleasant surprise it's growing to include passions borne from my childhood.
It can be scary, because it's unfamiliar and it's challenging to break out of more or less archaic mindsets of what my life “should” look like in accordance with old success paradigms... But I see adaptation as a necessary conduit of my personal success, which will ultimately lead to overall wellness. So I must let go.
I'm learning more about myself as I go along. I'm learning that what happens in life is a succession, making moves step by step and not being overly concerned with the results. I notice that when I focus too much on what the outcome may be, I lose sight of the process itself – and the secret of secrets is that process can be one of the most rewarding aspects of life. And most often, enjoying the process usually yields optimal results anyway. This endeavor in particular is the pinnacle of a process that has been playing out for several years.
I'm going to paint a little picture for you here... when I was in high school, I played provincial handball for Alberta, Canada. And one way for us to score a goal was to run a “succession” offensively until we broke the defense down. I'm not going to get into the intricate details of handball, but I'll describe it briefly.
Basically there's a goalie protecting the net (imagine a small soccer net), with one team creating a defensive half circle around a boundary to add extra protection for the net. The other team surrounds them in a half circle offensive and passes the ball between one another until a gap is created in the defense – then an attempt is made at scoring. (This strong defensive form is similar to the one my father and brothers formed around me during my teen years to ward off dating prospects. Kidding! Sorta...)
I feel like over the years I have been running a succession.
I have been overcoming obstacles, sifting through relationships, moving continuously until I found a gap within the defense to move my way through. Perhaps you can see too that the defensive aspect of handball is much like an aspect of the psyche; it's inner resistance.
Ultimately, resistance comes from within, so any external resistance observed in the physical world is a reflection of resistance within the self. Now, you don't always score the goal in life, but in doing this succession you create opportunities. Thus, I have been creating opportunities for myself and I aim for personal success by sharing my journey through writing and film making.
“Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.” -Zig Ziglar
I have kept busy with various projects and endeavors, but along the way I wanted to find my core purpose of doing this blog and launching a YouTube channel. More important than the function of putting my voice out there was establishing the foundation of where my purpose was coming from. I wanted it to come from my heart. And now I know that it is.
It has generally been of the utmost priority to express the Indigenous experience in a truthful light; and while I used to be driven by the idea that I needed to change the way that others see First Nations People, it suddenly came to mind through personal experiences that we also need to prioritize changing how we perceive ourselves as First Nations people - to embrace and experience our humanity as it is.
So now, instead of focusing on shedding light for others and breaking stereotypes of how First Nations are viewed, I realized that that's not where true healing for our people would come from. In my eyes the true healing for our people will be in how we see ourselves, how we define our character, and experiencing our humanity without so much concern for how others view us.
I'm not saying that to disregard inter-cultural relationships, or the work being done between individuals of varying backgrounds, or the work of the human beings in general to create a better world; but I feel it is inherently vital that we as Indigenous people focus on healing how we see ourselves and how we relate to one another - this, I feel, will also relate to other people of various cultural backgrounds.
I will discuss this topic further in other blog posts, but for now know that the basis of my intent is coming from a good place and the conscious hope of healing for all. I want to create a proponent of that fire by voicing my own experience as an Indigenous person. To light a fire under the collective ass, so to speak ;)
I actually learned this lesson from being bullied and being a target of lateral violence. That will be another post on it's own... I have learned to transform negativity into positivity in my life. I believe this comes from facing adversity consistently from a young age, which fostered in me a propensity for learning lessons from darker aspects of life, changing them into positives, and moving forward with knowledge gained.
By experiencing lateral violence, I learned one of the most important lessons of life thus far; that how I perceive myself and the world around me carries immense value in my experience of humanity, more so than how others perceive me or project upon the world around themselves. I do not control other people's perceptions of me. I control very little in this physical plane, next to nothing really, other than my own thoughts and choices. So I had to find the strength inside of myself to stay positive, focus on the light, and persevere.
These are what I consider to be universal themes that are simply experienced on a spectrum of intensity in various places all over the world. Indigenous people are not the only ones to have these human experiences, because ultimately we all are born of the same human race. And this is what I wish to explore through my blog and in doing so being inclusive of all human beings and our experiences.
My experience is quite relative in the bigger picture, even in relation to the Indigenous experience. And like any other one individual human being, I do not and cannot have all the answers. That being said, there are various avenues and facets of life that I wish to explore and communicate with you about; for now, my chosen platforms are social media, blogging, and film making. So in the words of Captain James T. Kirk...
“I don't know what I should do, I only know what I can do.”